Wedding Hat Etiquette for the Mother of the Bride or Mother of the Groom
A reassuring, practical guide to UK wedding hat traditions and timings
British wedding hat etiquette is reassuringly simple. If you’re the Mother of the Bride or Mother of the Groom, you can wear your hat for the ceremony, the photographs and the wedding breakfast, then remove it later as the day becomes more relaxed and you move into the evening celebrations. Choose a shape that feels comfortable, photographs well, and makes it easy to greet guests. If you feel unsure, I can guide you calmly through styles and proportions in my Winchester studio.
The Tradition of Wearing a Hat
Wearing a hat as the Mother of the Bride is more than just a fashion statement – it’s a time-honoured tradition. Historically, women wore hats to church and formal events, and weddings were no exception. Today, while it’s no longer mandatory, many Mothers still choose to wear one as a nod to tradition and to mark their essential role in the celebration.
A well-chosen hat can complete your outfit, elevate your confidence, and make you feel like the proud Mother you are. Some ladies opt for fascinators or hatinators instead of traditional wide-brimmed hats, which can be a great alternative if you’re not used to wearing larger headpieces.
Does the Mother of the Bride Hat Set the Tone?
Yes, it often does. As the Mother of the Bride, your hat tends to set the level of formality for other female guests, so it helps to choose a style that feels appropriate for the day.
What we'll go through together in my millinery studio:
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The venue and ceremony style (church, hotel, registry office, marquee)
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The overall feel of the wedding (formal or relaxed, city or country)
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Your outfit silhouette and neckline (so the proportions look balanced)
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The size of the guest list (intimate weddings can suit a more understated shape)
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Your comfort and confidence (secure, lightweight, easy to wear all day)
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How you want to look in photographs (face visible, flattering angle, no heavy shadow)
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Please read my How to Choose a Wedding Hat page for further helpful guidance
A traditional note on “who wears the biggest hat”:
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Etiquette guides often suggest that no guest, including the Mother of the Groom, should outdo the Mother of the Bride in size or drama.
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I always treat this as guidance rather than a hard rule, and I focus on helping you look elegant and properly “top table” without feeling overdone.
But what if you’re the Mother of the Groom? You still hold a wonderfully important role, and you can absolutely wear a statement hat, as long as it feels in keeping with the overall formality and doesn’t outshine the Mother of the Bride.
Mother of the Groom - what I will also consider with you:
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Your outfit colour and overall look, so your hat feels intentional and beautifully finished
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The formality of the wedding and venue (church, hotel, marquee, city or country)
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Proportion and balance (a flattering brim width and shape that suits your height and shoulders)
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Your hairstyle and how the hat will sit securely and comfortably all day
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Photographs and greetings (a shape that frames your face and won’t cast a heavy shadow)
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The Mother of the Bride’s likely style direction (so you complement rather than compete)
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Your personal confidence level (elegant and special, but never “too much” for you)
My aim is always to help you both look beautifully dressed for the occasion, with a hat that feels right for you and respectful of the day.
How should the Mother of the Bride or Mother of the Groom Coordinate with the Wedding Colours?
I always recommend aiming to complement the palette, not match it exactly. I want your hat to feel special, but I also want it to sit harmoniously within the wedding colour story, so the photographs look timeless.
What I suggest you discuss with the bride:
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The overall colour palette (and any colours she would prefer you to avoid)
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The level of formality (church, hotel, marquee, black tie, relaxed)
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Bridesmaids’ colours and the key flowers (useful for subtle colour echoes)
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Any “must have” details, such as navy shoes, metallic accessories or a particular tone of pink
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The ceremony and reception setting (light levels can affect how colours read in photos)
A traditional order that keeps things polite and easy:
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The Mother of the Bride often chooses her outfit first.
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She then shares her colour direction with the Mother of the Groom, so the two mothers look complementary rather than identical.
Why I’m so keen on harmony:
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I always picture that favourite wedding photograph in a silver frame on the mantelpiece - which will be there forever! When everyone’s colours sit together beautifully, it becomes a memory you’ll love looking back on, rather than an outfit that distracts for the wrong reason.
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Please read my Matching Your Wedding Hat to your Outfit page for more tips on how to achieve a really polished look
Do Women Keep Hats On Indoors at Weddings?
Yes, traditionally, women keep their hats on indoors at a wedding because the hat forms part of the outfit, unlike men’s hats, which should be removed. That said, good manners always come first. If your hat blocks someone’s view during the ceremony, it’s perfectly polite to adjust it or remove it briefly to keep everyone comfortable.
A few polite, practical tips:
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Choose a brim and height that won’t obstruct the person behind you.
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If you’re seated in a tighter space, a slight repositioning can make all the difference.
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If you do need to remove your hat briefly, do it discreetly and without fuss.
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If you’re unsure, I can help you choose a flattering silhouette that looks elegant while staying considerate.
I always aim for my customers to have a hat that feels confidently ‘top table’ - while still being considerate of the people around you.
How Do I Greet Guests and Pose for Photographs in my Hat?
Navigating hugs and greetings while wearing a hat does require a bit of practice! A hat changes your “personal space” slightly, so a few small adjustments will help you greet people comfortably and look polished in photographs.
For hugs and greetings:
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If you’re wearing a wider brim, tilt your head slightly to one side as you lean in, so the brim doesn’t bump.
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Take a half-step closer than you normally would, then keep the hug brief and light.
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If you’re greeting someone shorter (or seated), angle your shoulders rather than dipping the brim forward.
For wedding photographs:
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Angle the hat so your face stays open to the light and doesn’t fall into shadow.
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Lift your chin slightly when a camera is pointed at you. It improves your posture, elongates your neck, and looks effortlessly elegant in the album.
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If you’re unsure on the day, ask the photographer to check for brim shadow. It’s a quick fix with a tiny tilt.
When should I remove my hat at the Wedding?
In most UK weddings, you keep your hat on for the ceremony, the formal photographs and the wedding breakfast, then remove it later after the speeches as the day becomes more relaxed.
A simple guide to the day:
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Ceremony: hat on
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Photographs: hat on (it completes the look beautifully in portraits)
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Wedding breakfast: hat on (this is the main meal)
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Speeches: the hat usually stays on
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After the speeches, many women remove their hats* during a quick freshen-up break as the afternoon moves into the evening
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Evening reception: hat off, or switch to a smaller headpiece*
A little something for later?
A smaller matching headpiece to keep you feeling Marvellous as the evening celebrations begin! *A really clever “halfway option” that I’ve seen steadily growing in popularity:
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Some of my customers order a smaller headband or fascinator to match their main hat, using the same silk flowers, feathers and bow detailing.
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They change into it for the evening so they still feel beautifully accessorised, without wearing a full hat to the party.
A traditional note:
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Other guests often follow the lead of the Mother of the Bride or Mother of the Groom. Once you remove your hat, many feel more comfortable doing the same.
In short: hat on for the ceremony, photos and wedding breakfast - hat off after speeches in preparation for the evening celebrations.
Choosing the Perfect Hat
Picking the right hat balances style, proportion, and personal comfort. Here are a few tips to ensure you find the perfect match:
Match the Wedding’s Formality: A grand church wedding may call for a wide-brimmed or structured saucer hat, while a relaxed garden wedding may call for a softer, undulating brim. For winter weddings, or perhaps a city or hotel venue, a more petite fascinator could be more suitable.
Destination Weddings: I have a wide range of hats and headpieces that can fit into a special-sized hat box that can act as your carry-on luggage on the plane - you needn't fear that you won't be fully accessorised at your daughter's wedding! Some customers have even been known to order a smaller perching pill-box style hat, which they can pack into a round food container (Tupperware anyone?), then nestle it tightly into the centre of their suitcase so it will travel safely in the hold - perfect!
Consider Your Dress Sillhoette: If you're wearing a slim fitting shift dress, perhaps with a long coat or short bolero jacket over it, consider either a wide brim at an angle (no wider than your shoulders unless you're making a real fashion statement) or a tipped perching 'beret' style that hugs the side of the forehead and sits in line with the column shape of your silhouette. Alternatively, if you are wearing a 'tea dress' with a wide hemline, opt for a wide brim that is either symetrical or (which is what most ladies go for) a softly undulating brim with a gradual upturn - this enhances the hour-glass effect of your silhouette by being wider at the top and bottom of your sillohette and accentuating a slimmer waist - it also nicely ties together the flowing lines of your dress with the gentle curves of the brim.
Some Ladies choose to Coordinate, not Match: they opt for a hat that complements the dress/pattern/shoes, not to block the colour entirely. Perhaps select a colour in the same tone as the outfit, without making it identical and using trims to continue the colour story.
Think About Hair and Comfort: We will discuss how your hair will be styled on the day and how your hat will sit, including whether you set your hat yourself or your hairdresser does it for you. To aid with fitting, I often sew colour-toned discreet headbands, elastic or combs into hats for an added feeling of security.
Please read my "How to Choose a Wedding Hat" page for additional guidance.
Quick Checklist
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I can greet guests comfortably.
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My face is visible in photographs.
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My hat feels secure and balanced.
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I can sit, stand and move without fuss.
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The overall look feels harmonious.
To Hat or Not to Hat? Modern Considerations
While traditional etiquette leans towards wearing a hat, modern weddings allow for a lot of flexibility. If you’re uncomfortable in a large 'picture' hat, you can opt for a smaller headpiece or even go without one - there’s no law! The most important thing is that you need to feel confident and comfortable, so please don’t worry about trying to fit into an expected mould.
Some mothers worry about looking “too formal” or “old-fashioned.” But a well-styled hat or fascinator can be a sophisticated, stylish addition to your look. Let's face it, most of us like to 'dress up' at least occasionally, and if not at your own daughter's wedding... then when!? I have to say, if you’re at all unsure, please try on many different styles before making a final decision - I have so many Bespoke Samples in my studio for you to play with! Also, please note that so many customers who stand in my hat studio and say they’re “not a hat person” often change their minds once they find the one that doesn’t make them giggle when they look at themselves in the mirror!
Final Thoughts
At the heart of all these traditions and etiquette rules is one key message: wear what makes you “Look Amazing and Feel Fantastic!” Your daughter’s wedding is a special occasion, and whether you opt for a classic wide-brimmed hat, a modern fascinator, a perching pillbox (or no headwear at all!), the most important thing is to feel confident in your choice.
Next Steps
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Read about a private consultation in my Winchester studio for your bespoke wedding hat
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Browse my exclusive Ready-to-Wear collection in my Online Shop
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If you wish, please send me a Quick Question about colour, shape or timing
We can take time together to find something you'll love, embrace tradition if it suits you, and, most of all, look forward to enjoying every moment of the big day. This is often such a fun part of wedding planning, so have fun with it.
Hats off (or on!) to you, Mum, for making this wedding day even more memorable for you and your family.
It's such a privilege to receive photographs after the event - here is a small selection from the main Happy Customers Gallery which you can browse fully by clicking here.
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